All posts by scottige

That Gaming Funk……..

Yeah, I’m a bit of a girny cunt just now.

For whatever reason, no game is blowing my skirt up at the moment.
Don’t even have the desire to dig into a lot of games I have sitting.
A lot of wasted wages just sitting there, un-played.

It’s opposite of ( me personally ) gaming at 10/11/12 years old.
Where you saved up your pittance of a pocket money or outright begged your parents to give you 2:99 to go and get that new dizzy game.
The one that’s lurking tantalisingly behind that glass case in the chemist.

Yes, you read that right.
It was the chemist in my town that sold the games.
Who knew?

Anyway, I think the over abundance and saturation has a lot to do with it.
There’s just so many games available now and as a working adult, easily attainable.

I’m wondering if that’s part of the problem too?
Was I just more selective when I was skint?
Did I play games more as they meant a great deal more to me as they were harder to get?
Are games just shit now?

A combination of the above I think.
I find it easier to criticise a game now as I expect more.
Partially my fault for being so susceptible to the hype.
Problems with games are also subjective.
For example, as a passionate platform game player/designer, I find fault with level design in platform games that others may not even perceive as faults.
Uncharted, I’m looking at you!
You can drop 10 feet from a balcony, make a stealth kill and go on your merry way as that’s the way the narrative wants you to go but you dare step off a 2 foot step, literally up to your shins and you die from falling as you’re not meant to go that way?
Naw, no having that. Wall it off cunts!

Anyway, no real point to this, better oot than in!
It’s my site and I’ll post shite if I want to lol.
It is called girny gamer after all!

The Legend of Zelda : Breath of the Wild – First Impressions

Ok, I’ll get this out of the way right off the bat.
I’m smitten!
Enough so that I remembered I have this site and wanted to post this to, well myself I guess as no one knows of this site really lol.

There are a lot of odd criticisms of this game.
It’s too open world, it strays from the traditional Zelda formula, there’s no clear direction etc…..

Just ticked a lot of boxes for me!
There’s nothing like being plopped into a game world with nothing but a vague idea of what to do next and an ominously vast world to do it in!

I want to be scratching my head in a game.
I want to find out where to go and what to do for myself.
I’m sick of games being so dumbed down that you are merely a spectator.
Stand here, press this, no – you can’t go over there!

BOTW is a refreshing change from that condescension that even its own predecessors were guilty of.
You awake from your sleep, walk out side your cave ( sorry, spoiled the first 30 seconds for you there ), and are left to it.

It’s not so obtuse however it leaves you entirely clueless.
From the very start at least it will try and nudge you in the right, or more useful direction.
I followed this instruction, was given some basic info on how the world hurts, a little metaphorical pat on the head and was on my merry way.
I literally spun round in circles, stopped and went, “Right, this is the way I’m going!” and proceeded forth.

Walking along, I thought randomly, “Hmm, I wonder if I can climb that tree?”.
Now, perched atop my tree peering at the unfolding horizon, I get the feeling this game is something special.
“What, ’cause you can climb a tree?”
No, it’s just a feeling you can’t really put into words when a game grabs you.
A sense of wonder I guess.

The world looks so busy too.
It’s not what I’d call a fake open world.
Hundreds of acres of map with fuck all to do in it.
I’ve not made much progress as every 10 minutes I find something I want to explore.

For example, I saw a shrine atop a mountain through my binoculars equivalent device.
Plot a rough path in my head and begin my journey.
On my way I spot a goblin camp.
As it’s night now, they’re sleeping.
As they catch some Z’s, I tip toe up and murder them in their sleep.
Hey, it was them or me!
I plunder their camp and continue.

It’s morning by the time I get to the mountain and start making my way up, after stopping to catch dome frogs as you do.
I’m half way up and Link starts chittering.
It’s too clod for my clothes and my health starts to diminish so I abandon my quest for now.

I back track and try to follow the map round to my next objective.
A goblin camp is in my way so I’m about to attack them when I see a bee hive in a tree.
I shoot that and a swarm of bees splits the pack up.
I kill goblin 1 while his wee pal is getting the shit stung out of him then turn on him.
Boom, camp clear.

I then happen upon a guy chopping trees.
He notices I’ve picked up an axe earlier and gives me instructions on how to chop trees down.
I chop a tree down to span a ravine, cross it and access a new area.
Wandering this new area I get a pang of classic Zelda nostalgia.
A cliff face with a crack in it!
Whip out a bomb ( which I previously got from a shrine ) and blow it up.
The classic Zelda secret found jingle plays and I’m presented with a chest.
Ahhh, that felt good.

I look above the crater I’ve just made and see mushrooms growing out a wall!
I think, “That’s a long way up!” but as I circle and scope the area, I spy an overhang.
“I think I can make that before my stamina expires!”

I climb up, pick the mushroom and stop to rest.
The mushroom info advises me that this can be cooked into a stamina potion.

I spy another higher up.
I climb up and grab it.
It’s only then I realise that I’m under the shrine I was trying to get to previous!!
It was then the true awesomeness of this game and the way you can play it the way you want to really hit me.
I then stopped to write this…….

Nintendo Switch



So, the Nintendo Switch is upon us and like everything released in the age of the Internet, the masses are out in force to condemn it before they even know what it is.

Seriously, what is missing in people’s lives that people hate everything now? It’s not even everything, it’s the concept of everything.
It’s like Jay out the Inbetweeners who says “completed it mate” whenever someone mentions a game.
There’s this new……”hate it!”

Anyway, I digress.

The switch is a hybrid hand held/living room console with indeterminate specs which brings me to the point of my post.

People are freaking out saying it’s not as powerful as a ps4, it’s not as powerful as an Xbox one, it’s not gonna be 4k 60fps.

Well A, these are all assumptions and B, people are missing the whole point of the Nintendo.
This is the console you go to for games and experiences you can’t get elsewhere.
You are buying Nintendo’s charm, their unique titles, their expert game design that you can’t get on the “big 2” or computer.
Do you really need another platform to play assassins creed on?

That’s the reason the WiiU was deemed a failure. They never made any Nintendo games for it!
Ok, there were some but you get my point.

I for one am giving the switch a chance.
My money is on Nintendo learning from their mistakes with the WiiU.
A Mario and Zelda game at launch for one.
Those alone will rack up the pre orders.
These are the games you can’t get elsewhere.

The Internet Generation


Firstly, the irony is not lost on me, penning a post on the internet about people complaining on the internet but that is basically the sole purpose of this site so I consider these posts exempt from internet dickery.

The reason there is a large (parodied) version of the No Man’s Sky logo perched atop this post is that the release of this game has re-highlighted to me what annoys me about the self entitled internet user of today.
It’s all the complaints that the game is not this and the game is not that and blah blah blah.
All this for a game (at the time) that no one had played yet.

Now, don’t get me wrong.
If someone plays the game and think’s it’s shite that’s fine, that’s up to them.
If someone doesn’t want the game as it doesn’t look like their cuppa, that’s also fine.
If people aren’t fine with me saying what’s fine, that’s also fine! (Getting a bit meta here – Ed).

Anyway, I digress.
While using No Man’s Sky as an example, it’s the hype people build up in their own minds for something.
So much so it can never deliver and caused them to take to the internet, up in arms, as if they’ve been short changed or personally slighted.

One complaint I’ve read is that the game can be completed.
Really, the game can be completed?
Wow, what cunts the devs are releasing a game you can finish.

Another girn is that people are complaining that the game’s end can be reached in 30 hours or so, even though this has been identified as an exploit that has been patched.
That aside, so fuck if it can be “completed” in 30 hours?
Most AAA games these days, you’re lucky to get 15-20 hours out of so why people are complaining about being ripped off is beyond me.
You can rush to the end of most games if you want and skip the glut of main content, as is your right as the consumer of said content but to turn around and attack the developers for the quickest possible completion time being double that of an average game just because you’ve decided this game should be longer and has some how personally wronged you is mental.

Another belter is an excerpt from a review in progress I saw.
Bear in mind that this game has been described as a procedurally generated game from day 1.
The complaint I read is that the reviewer was complaining that the planets lacked the hand crafted feel he prefers in games.

To be fair, I get his point.
I hated Batman Vs Superman because Ironman wasn’t in it.
I can’t stand baked beans because they’re not sweet corn and I’m personally writing a letter of complaint to Aldi HQ as their own brand of Vodka isn’t a lovely 18 year old Dalmore malt.

I tell ya, it’s these fuckwits that complain that the new superman isn’t a transgender homosexual Chinese person in a wheelchair and claiming you are racist and homophobic if you don’t agree.
The mob that start petitions to make the new dog in Lassie a cat so they can seem progressive.
The mob that call people father’s paedos and say they should have their kids taken off them because they see an innocent picture of a proud father bathing his infant son on instagram, just so SOMEONE can hear their voice.
The same mob that would piss their pants if you so much gave them a chirpy hello in person.

In a nutshell, the internet generation!


Don’t you just hate it when windows,  or any preferred os for that matter,  stops working properly for no real reason.

Maybe because you’ve installed a program it doesn’t like but an uninstalls leaves harmful remnants, maybe you’ve used it for more than 10 minutes without a clean wipe or maybe because it’s dark on a Tuesday.
Either way,  I hate it when it degrades before you like it has some sort of degenerative illness and no amount of maintenance can restore it to an acceptable state.

No real point to make other than Windows is a dick!

(Posted from android!) – lol ed

Xcom 2

Right,  straight off the bat I’ll tell you that I love this game.
I really do.
The imposing threat, the doomsday counter,  the research and development of new tech and the satisfying missions.  Especially when you set up an overwatch ambush and take out a whole enemy squad!

Now the girn……..

The game Fucking cheats!
This will no doubt be patched out,  at least I hope it will but for now,  the game seems to defy it’s own odds when you are doing well.

Example,  I had a squad surrounded with 5 soldiers on overwatch, each with a 70 odd to 80 odd chance of hitting.
They all missed!

Another example is that I was next to an enemy with my gun literally in it’s face with a 95 percent chance to hit.
It was also “flanked” which means it has no cover.
Fucking missed.

Yes,  random odds dictate those outcomes are possible but the frequency it happens heavily suggest that there are other subroutines at work here!

Now, I may just be a huffy cunt but I also missed with a sword when I was standing next to an enemy with a 100 percent chance to hit!

Fuck xcom.
I love it to bits!

I think there’s something wrong with my nintendo……

I have recently purchased 3 games.
Mario Maker, Yoshi’s Wooly World and Kirby and the Rainbow Paintbrush and there were not 20 gig of updates between them, although there was a cuteness overload enough to make you want to boak!

Between them all, there were 175 meg of updates and this was just to address an issue in Mario maker to make the unlockables available sooner, not to finish the game!

That takes me the crux of the matter.
Most modern games come with massive day 1 patches, as in gigabytes!
Games are simply released before they are finished.

The biggest travesties include Assassins Creed Unity and Arkham Knight (pc version).
Buggy unfinished crap.

Shit launches aside, almost all AAA games, barring Nintendo, have crazy day 1 patches.
It’s just become common practice.
The lazy, ach I’ll finish it with a patch attitude that’s become the norm that really gets me, that’s why I hold up Nintendo as a shining example.
Their games may not always be great ( they mostly are! ) but they are complete!

Batman:Arkham Knight PC Issues



Right, one thing that is pissing me off over this situation is not actually the game itself
or it’s issues.

It’s the rabid fanboyism ( that a word? – Ed ) of some of the so called PC master race.
It’s the smug smug sense of self entitlement of those portion of gamers that consider
themselves more enlightened and more of an authority on all thing digital than the rest of us.

It’s not even funny.
It’s like they’ve been personally wronged due to a shitty console port.
Read the key words there children, a CONSOLE PORT.
This game was made for consoles and runs fine on them.
They fucked the PC port, get over it.

Now, I’m not defending a shitty port.
Lazy ports do my head in.
If you’re gonna do a port, do it right.
Don’t just shoe horn it into the PC, change the control text and release it into the wild.

Make sure the game doesn’t crash to desktop for no reason.
Take the FPS limiter off.
Tweak the asset loading methods.
Basically, make sure the fucking thing works on a PC!


Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that some people are pissed
off that the game wasn’t made for them on their system and they are
raging that their version is second best.
The self entitlement wont let them accept that this game was not made
with the master race in mind so they blame and attack consoles.

I made an innocuous post on a facebook page.
The title was “use coupon blahblahblah for 40% off Arkham Knight”.
I posted ” use coupon blahblahblah for 40% off Arkham Knigh’s frame rate. Fixed that for you.”
I was immediately, hilariously attacked.
I was told that “do a bit of research instead of complaining and the game will run fine on PC.”

Obviously I was immediately taken as a console fanboy taking delight in a shite PC port to which I replied.
“That was a joke but for the record I have uncapped the FPS in the ini file, tweaked the gfx settings and updated my graphics drivers. It still runs shit on my monster rig.”.
That was met with silence lol.

You see, I am a PC gamer.
I am also a console gamer.
I guess I’m Bi-Gameual lol.
That’s why I’m in the position to give an honest opinion.

Now to wrap up.
The game is actually Fab.
I now have it running at a decent level and wow it grappling around Gotham fun.

Also, this is not an attack on PC gamers.
Most are fine.
None of my friends, of whom most are pc gamers exude such contempt and ignorance.
It’s mainly internet fannies who are up their own arses and can’t see past their hardons because they own a fucking pc!

Dreaming Sarah

Dreaming Sarah is a nice little platform adventure game.

You are Sarah who is in a coma and is dreaming of various locations from the normal to the totally surreal.
You awake in a field and are sent on your merry way.
There are no obvious pointers of where to go or what to do next.

Now sometimes, this can be a real problem but not here.
The game is small and you never truly get stuck.
For example, at the start, there is an uncross-able gap to the right so, you go left!
You find a brolly that lets you glide over gaps and that’s how one progresses.
Find a toy, access the new area with said toy to find more toys!


The game can be sprinted through in about half an hour but you are going to want to take your time exploring every area as the lovely pixel art combined with the atmospheric music makes for a nice relaxing gaming experience.

On your travels you will fly to space, traverse the innards of a grand father clock, buy alcohol with a fake id and make a tonsil inside a giant mouth sick!

If this was generic forest/castle areas all the way through, I get the feeling this would have felt like a chore but the diversity of locations held my interest.


While I really enjoyed the game, there were a couple of negatives.
The puzzles were rather arbitrary with a bit of random object x used in location y with no real link or context.
I did find myself after getting a new object, running back round all the locations to see if it done anything.
Not all the puzzles were like that.
Indeed some were decent logical puzzles where you knew exactly where to go next but some were just random.
To it’s credit, these are mostly for secrets and achievements.

The other issue is that the game can be quite buggy.
Several times I found hovering off the ground unable to move.
I also found my controls locked out after speaking to an NPC.
Clearly the controls were meant to reinstate after the conversation was over but I had to quit and re load my save.
Not good.

Despite the niggles however, I would recommend this, especially as it’s a budget game.
For the few quid it cost, I feel satisfied I got my money’s worth!

Manic Miner : One platformer to ruler them all!

Lets start off on a good note with Manic Miner because if there’s one thing these crabbit auld bastards can still remember fondly, it’s Manic Miner!

A game as simple as they come.
You guide Miner Willy through 20 caverns of platforming goodness with left, right and jump controls.
Collect the items, avoid baddies and falls, get to the exit. ( Choppa? – Ed )
Easy, right?

Ehhh, not so much!

The beauty of this game, like so many of the era is it’s unapologetic difficulty.
Sure it eases you in with a few easy wins to get you hooked but it’s not long before it’s demanding some pretty precise platform skills.
We’re talking pixels here.


You start in the central cavern which is actually harder than the second screen, the cold room.
This was due to creator Matt Smith using the central cavern as an engine test to test jumping distances etc.
Still not difficult but that’s why it’s a little more difficult than the second screen.
There, a wee bit of trivia for you!

By the time you get to even screen 3, it gets a little trickier.
It will take you several tries to beat the birds up on the top crumbling platforms while you learn their movement patterns.
By the time you get to screen 5, the infamous Eugene’s Lair, the timing required and jumping proficiency required really starts to ramp up.
The “Pac Man” level on screen 6 was like kryptonite to me for long enough!


Manic Miner is a deeply rewarding game and considered by many as the dawn of the platform game.
Sure there were others before it but this is the one that made the “Spectrum Generation” sit up and take note.
The one that made you go looking for more platform games.

Unlike today’s nanny state games where you are constantly prompted what to do, provided assistance when you encounter difficulties and have basically no negative consequences for failure.
Manic Miner doesn’t let you see it’s deepest levels without a fight.
It gives you 3 tries and if you lose them all on the first screen, tough! It’s back to the start for you.
If you are crap, you will fail. Simple.

It is however not unfair.
Practice will yield progress and with that, immense satisfaction not unlike finally beating a boss in Dark Souls.
Granted a lot of you may not get that reference but the chances are, if you are reading a computer game review site then you probably know what dark souls is.

Manic Miner is now the ripe old age of 32 and still very playable to this day.
Sure a lot of younger gamers will be like, “Oh em geeee, WTF Lolz! What’s this shit?” but that just means their mums and dads have failed as parents. 😉